Everyone has problems. So they say.
But not everyone shares them.
Some people find problems everywhere.
Some people overshare.
How do you deal with problems? Do you keep them quietly to yourself or do you seek out people to listen?
I’ve always been a stubbornly independent sort of a girl. I can’t stand being told what to do and I think that holds me back from disclosing my issues from fear of being told how to deal with them. Written down, that sounds ridiculous, but it is how I feel.
There is also a niggling worry that the person I am talking to isn’t particularly interested, and when I get that feeling, it really isn’t conducive to sharing my innermost thoughts. So I change the subject. Or talk about what I think they want to talk about (usually them) or something universal like the weather, or what we’ve had for tea.
It can be tricky as non-problem sharer though, because with all the will in the world, sometimes you do just need to talk to someone. The trouble is, that once you’ve been pigeon-holed as a private person, it feels even more awkward to bring up topics that expose your vulnerabilities. And I am sure we’ve all been on the receiving end of an “How Are You?” which is much easier to answer with an “I’m fine!” than with anything deeper or more descriptive.
So the barriers appear to be up. It’s all very well building a wall around your problems, as long as you make sure you are on the other side. You don’t want to be trapped with your problems forever. My strategy for dealing with problems as a non-sharer is to first categorise whether it something I can do something about or not.
If I can do something, I do it. Even if I can’t do it immediately, I form a plan of what I can do, and when.
If I can do nothing, I try my best just to let it go. Some things are harder to let go than others. Some problems require you to sit with them for a while, and perhaps cry; letting your emotions go. There is a difference between crying it out and wallowing however. I don’t like to wallow. It gets me nowhere.
So that’s how I deal with problems. Have you got a strategy for problem solving?
This is post 63 of 100 blogs in 100 days.