This is a poem I wrote inspired by the classic poem ‘You Are Old Father William’ which featured in Alice in Wonderland.
My version of this famous poem is called ‘You Are Old Mother Dearest’.
You Are Old Mother Dearest
“You are old mother dearest,” my daughter said
“It’s a lifetime since you were at school.
And yet you can help with all homework I’m set
What makes you so wise and so cool?”
“In my youth,” I replied to my little girl
“My teachers would teach us by rote.
We’d recite our times tables, leaving us more than able
And even now I know Shakespeare’s greatest quotes.”
“You are old mother dearest, as I think I just said
And you know nothing of Kanye or Drake.
Yet when Kylie’s on you rush, to the mirror with a hairbrush
At your age, is that a wise action to take?”
“In my youth,” I said wistfully to my little girl
“An album was a cherished possession
So when I hear Miss Minogue, back to my youth I go
And it’s wonderful moment of regression.”
“You are old mother dearest, and the times have moved on
It seems style wasn’t something you were taught.
You’re no longer twenty two, nothing looks fashionable on you
And don’t you think that your skirt is a touch short?”
“In my youth,” I said dryly to my cheeky girl
“These legs were once a source of attraction
So while my face is heading south, I’ll keep getting my legs out
If only to serve as somewhat of a distraction.”
“You are old mother dearest,” my daughter went on
“And you wouldn’t know what passes for hot.
Yet you enthuse on the perfection of the boys in One Direction
Don’t you know you’re too old for that lot?”
“I have answered three questions, you cheeky young imp”
I said swiftly, “and now I am done!
You forget one day you, will be old like me too
And it’s surprising how quick that day comes!”
You Are Old Mother Dearest is a poem written by Ms Moem, and may only be used with attribution and a direct link back to the relevant article on msmoem.com.